" I'm tired, with Everything."

Lately, I feel like it doesn't matter what other people think about me. The only thing that matters is that am happy with who I am. Because for me, if you did not see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth. It is a big NO! NO! Please, don't judge me unless you have looked through my eyes, experienced what i have and cried as many tears as me. Until then, back off, cause you have no idea. Hurmmm, everything right now is so... overwhelmed, chaos and suffocating. Nowadays, smiling isn't the easiest thing to do. I need my own space. Far far away from everyone else. Or at least, a few days break from all of this.

I wish I am at home in my own room, my own space where I could cry my heart out loud without letting anyone knows how I feel right now. Don't try to fix me cause i'm not broken. Okeyh! :)  And one more things, please do respect the emotions in someone's heart, rather than the expression on someone's face. Because the expression is just the formality, but the emotions beyond it are the reality. Get it? 

I really hate how sometimes words can never come close to describe how I feel right at this moment. I admit that is easy to forget things I want to remember but it ain't easy to forget things that I don't want to remember because sometimes my heart and my brain are keep on reminding me things that i don't want to hear. As we know, everyone comes into our life for reasons; some good, some bad. They shape, form and break us. But in the end, they make us who we are. :D  Hurm..it's good actually to just let all the memories go. Forget what other people think. This is my life after all and i'm happy. Serious. :D

P/s :*Hey, the memories are so hard to let go!! Huh, well done is better than well said! Teheeeee. :D

Am I allowed to dream?

Assalamualaikum..

I am in a big trouble and I feel a little down today. For the past 3 days I can’t sleep properly. I’m tired but I can’t sleep because many things pop up through my mind. Could be that I’m too stressed? Perhaps ya! These weeks are the test + assignment submission week and the final exam week is just around the corner. Obviously I have a lot of stuff to do and surprisingly I’m doing nothing. My brain had stop functional for few days. I feel like I need a Personal assistant to manage my routine and manage my “to do list” for these weeks. This kind of situation is really affecting my health and concentration towards my study. Lately my asthma also has been acting up and it’s really affecting my focus on my study. I really need extra oxygen. =( indeed!

Now I have no clue. I don’t know what I want in my life now. I don’t even can focus in my study. Keep on day dreaming like nobody business. Could someone wake me up from the dreams? Urgh! Truly says, deep inside my heart, I always wish that my entire dream will come true. But all I know is that I’m disappointing with me, me and me. I keep on babbling to myself: “bear in mind ILE, your effort today is for your future.” Full stop, but nothing changes! hihihi!

Sometimes, I'm smiling but I don't really mean it. It’s a faking smile. I’m just thinking about how much I don’t want my life to be regret. I have a desire to do so many things with my life especially for the sake of my family. I do love them so much. They are my strength, my love and my world. They are always by my side in any situation. I just hope that I can make them proud of me. I need to fight with my emotions, it was hard but I need to reach their expectations because I just want to be someone that my family can be proud off. I do love them so much. Deep down, it’s always been something I wanted. Still, there’s a long way to go and a lot more to do. I mean a lot of things to study, to learn, and to get the experiences just to get prepare to face the world-The real world! I want to live my dream as a successful person. I just want this to become real. It means the world to me. I really hope this works! I just want to appreciate the things around me that I’m taking for granted. For now, I wish I can get back what I have put in, after all. It's tiring thousands mores time to make my dream become real, but who cares right? :D

Angin menari tidak sepenuh hati.

Ya Allah,

Sesungguhnya aku bermohon kepada-Mu,

Dari hati yang tidak pernah tunduk,

Dari doa yang tidak pernah didengari,

Dari jiwa yang tidak pernah merasa puas,

Dan dari ilmu yang tidak memberi manfaat. Amin.